![]() One of Mirgain’s favorite strategies for processing emotions is expressive writing. Allow the feelings to come, and when they do, it then becomes possible to work through them. Cry, grieve – or as Mirgain suggests, go to a secluded spot outdoors and let out a primal scream of anger. Give yourself time and space to feel what you’re feeling. She recommends setting aside time to talk about the feelings either with a friend or a trained professional. “When we try to bury our feelings, it can actually cause them to become even stronger in the future and prevent us from moving beyond the distressing emotions,” Mirgain said. But some people try to avoid negative emotions, and that can be a problem. “We’re moving into a place where we can begin to explore and discover what we truly value.” Metabolize the eventĪs Mirgain explained – learning and growing from an experience doesn’t mean denying the feelings that come with the process. “In many ways, we’re redefining ourselves,” she said. During this time of transformation, it is by letting go of the beliefs, roles, and aspects of identity that no longer serve us and having the willingness to grow into a new way of being that allows us to construct our lives in a way that feels more authentic and true. When we are willing to ask and explore those questions – who am I, what really matters to me, what do I want my life to be about – we can begin to rebuild and construct a new foundation, often from the ground up, that is more authentic and based on who we really are and what’s important, rather than on the values others have placed on us. It challenges our very identity and beliefs we’ve formed leaving us to ask questions we never thought we would have to,” said Mirgain. “An event like a divorce or the loss of a family member can draw our attention to the ways in which we take certain aspects of our lives for granted. ![]() When we experience difficult times, it’s like an earthquake – unexpected – and it can break up that foundation and leave us feeling unsure of ourselves with parts of our lives reduced to rubble. ![]() Make meaningĪs we grow, we develop a set of beliefs about the world around us – it’s the foundation we build our lives upon. While the transition from old to new was natural for the mythical creature, in the real world we can learn how to change and grow no matter the obstacles we face. Research has found that up to 70 percent of people experience positive psychological growth from difficult times, such as a deeper sense of self and purpose, a greater appreciation for life and loved ones, and an increased capacity for altruism, empathy and desire to act for the greater good. ![]() Or, as Mirgain likes to refer to the process – the Phoenix Phenomenon, suggesting that a new life arises from the remains of the old way of being. There is actually a term for the process – post-traumatic growth – and it refers to the benefit and personal growth that comes from experiencing a crisis. When patients are able to stay resilient, they are better able to cope with the medical condition, stay positive and even discover new aspects of themselves they never realized,” she said. “Receiving a serious medical diagnosis, for example, can cause psychological and physical stress – and it can even be traumatic. But, problems arise when we become stuck in those emotions. Mirgain is quick to note that feelings of anger, depression, anxiety, guilt or sadness during tough times are very normal, and we should never try to ignore those feelings. “We can shut down emotionally and let ourselves become hardened by it, or we can grow from the experience.” “We have a choice in how we respond to difficult times,” said Shilagh Mirgain, PhD, Health Psychologist. And, while it may not seem like it at first, something positive can come from the experience. The rain, of course, is the challenging times that we all face – medical diagnosis, divorce, job loss, even just navigating the teen years as a parent. As Ella Fitzgerald once sang, “into each life some rain must fall.”Īnd while we can’t control just how much it rains, we can make a decision – let ourselves get wet, or break out the umbrella.
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